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Most often it is the ticking of her biological clock. That's when we started to plan.

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Mah to our mothers, it is our main job in life. Women balance their need for against the rest of their life plan. The only constraint that I ever put on it was that if I ever had kids I would have more than one.

That was what you do, if you're a woman. I realized I might not have a real interesting job all my life. They feel complete. This kind of tunnel vision prevents us from effectively using the resources at our disposal in the short-term. So children were going to be part of this later on. In Chapter 2 we look at how lives are affected when the body doesn't follow its script.

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Especially ideas about when to start. I got married because I wanted to have. Webster's Dictionary imparts the full power of the word: Producing abundantly; rich in resources or invention; fruitful; prolific; causing or helping fertility; able to produce young, seeds, fruit, pollen, spores; capable of development into a new individual.

Congress, If we don't, we relax. I'm 32, so you know it's critical to make up my mind.

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While it is true that some women's fears were realized, in the majority of cases women experienced uneventful pregnancies. One experienced by almost every couple: infertility treatment is women's work. I remember a neighbor hadand Loooking would go help her with her baby.

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Expectations about parenthood organize our lives, even in childhood. But I was naive when it came to being married—about what relationships mean, and just growing with a person, and change. Do I want to repeat it esst all? She couldn't handle it.

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If we see our name up there, we mobilize. Then he decided that, yeah, that was something he wanted to do. It's real paramount in my mind. Is easy just the beginning?

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That is, it doesn't matter if a woman is diagnosed as infertile or not, her response is the same as other women undergoing infertility treatment. Shortly after Healing the Infertile Family was finished, my research partner, Robert Nachtigall, and I began a much larger study funded by the National Institute on Aging, National Institutes of Health, the goal of which was to pursue further the basic questions we had originally asked brunswixk how women and men live with infertility.

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Most of these pressures are associated with medical treatment. Our culture camouflages these differences.

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I was going to be a better mother than my mother. I feel like they did a good job of raising me.

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So intimately known to each other five years ago, and even last month, they may suddenly feel like strangers. As a result, men and women agree with each other about something tor thing that keeps us on course as we navigate through these unexpected shoals: Primary responsibility for continuing the family life cycle lies with women.

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The course of life is a cultural phenomenon. But the myopia both partners develop as the relationship grows blinds them to their differences as a man and a woman.

Their sense of responsibility for bearing children is an active ingredient in the pursuit of medical treatment for infertility. Although it may seem to those living through it as a stagnant time of waiting for something that never seems to happen, it is much more accurate to characterize this time as one of creative ferment, as people attempt to come to terms with life as it is, rather than as it was expected to be. They often share the same ideas. Men who are diagnosed as having male factor infertility have a more negative emotional response to infertility than men who do not have an infertility factor in three respects: feelings of stigma, sense of loss, and diminished self-esteem.

If there was any question about why fertility triggers such intense feelings, now it's clear. The way in which infertility is medically defined and treated in based on biomedical assumptions that lead to the categorization of infertility as a easg entity, a medical statement that it is abnormal to be unable to reproduce biologically. During dinners out and weekends by the sea, she brings up babies and he brings up freedom.

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How do men's expectations about children evolve? I wondered if you were going to say it.

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I'm not about to chance it. There's that to think of.

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The idea of being one tiny cog in the wheel of life adds to the enormity of the undertaking.

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